Marriage Advice From Our Parents and Grandparents
Getting married is one of the most important decisions in life. While the internet offers no shortage of modern relationship advice, there is still much wisdom to be gained from past generations.
Our parents and grandparents have weathered the storms of marriage and can provide invaluable guidance for newlyweds. In this bog article, we will discuss and explores timeless marriage advice from previous eras that still rings true today.
1. Communicate Openly and Listen Without Judgment
One piece of marriage advice from our elders that remains highly relevant is to keep communication open and non-judgmental between partners.
Many of our grandparents stayed married for decades by speaking freely about problems and listening to understand rather than react.
Modern couples face more distractions from technology and busier lives. Making uninterrupted time to talk and express feelings prevents resentment from building up. When speaking, focus on using “I feel” statements rather than blaming your spouse. Listen attentively to comprehend their perspective before responding.
2. Make Compromises to Maintain Harmony
Another common thread in long-lasting marriages is the willingness to compromise. None of our parents or grandparents got their way all the time. Meeting each other halfway meant giving up some personal desires for the good of the relationship.
Compromise builds empathy between partners as you better understand what matters most to the other. Consider what you can happily live without to avoid endless stalemates over decisions.
Learn each other’s top priorities to know when to stand firm or concede. Mutually satisfying compromises prevent feelings of sacrifice and resentment.
3. Share Chores and Responsibilities
In generations past, traditional gender roles dominated most marriages, with women handling tasks like cooking, cleaning and child-rearing. But modern couples know that sharing chores, parenting duties and financial responsibilities evenly prevents strain on relationships.
Divide up tasks based on individual strengths. For instance, if one spouse loves to cook and the other hates it, the arrangement makes sense.
Alternate child-related duties like school pickups or doctor appointments so one parent doesn’t become overloaded. Review finances together and agree on shared money-saving and spending priorities.
4. Cultivate Common Interests and Allow Personal Pursuits
While togetherness provides the foundation, allowing individual freedom strengthens marital bonds. Our grandparents often had separate friend groups, hobbies and community activities that they pursued independently. Common wisdom says that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Make regular time for shared interests and experiences as a couple, like date nights, travel and projects. But also encourage each other to cultivate personal friendships, pursuits and space.
This prevents couples from smothering each other or losing their sense of identity. With individual fulfillment, spouses stay happier in marriage.
5. Don’t Keep Score or Hold Grudges
The surest path to marital misery is keeping score over every perceived mistake and harboring grudges until the relationship ruptures. Previous generations faced economic stresses, health issues, infertilities and wars that put marriage to the test. Thriving despite challenges required forgiving mistakes, not fixating on them.
When conflicts happen, reflect on resolving the situation lovingly rather than attacking your partner. Don’t tally up every flaw and fight to validate anger later.
Identify the real issues behind disagreements instead of clinging to surface hostilities. Move forward together once conflicts get resolved rather than dragging past hurts into future arguments.
6. Maintain Intimacy and Affection
Spouses still in love after decades attribute it to maintaining intimacy, romance and affection through all of life’s ups and downs.
They focus on preserving emotional and physical connections regardless of changing circumstances. Intercourse and sexuality evolve over longer marriages but touching, cuddling and thoughtful gestures continue bonding couples.
Don’t take your spouse for granted just because you’ve been together a while. Make saying “I love you” a daily habit. Flirt, hold hands, give back rubs and leave affectionate notes.
Gifts and date nights needn’t involve great expense, just creativity and fun. Keep expressing attraction and appreciation for one another to prevent drifting apart.
7. Approach Finance as a Team Effort
Money remains one of the most contentious issues in many marriages. Financial infidelity or large purchases made without consultation breeds resentment.
Our grandparents may have stuck to gendered roles but they still operated finance as a partnership, budgeting thriftily and saving collectively towards priorities like home ownership or retirement.
Modern couples benefit from transparently reviewing all income and debts before marriage to strategize equitable money management.
Maintain joint budgeting with agreed discretionary spending limits. Split extra income towards shared financial goals. Discuss large purchases openly and compromise if needed. Handling finances cohesively prevents money issues from driving couples apart.
8. Weather Tough Times Together
None of our grandparents expected life or marriage to follow a blissful straight path. Illnesses, family losses, employment disruptions, wars and tragedies all interrupted marriages throughout history.
The couples surviving with bonds strengthened understood hardships as shared burdens rather than pointing fingers. They drew closer by coping as a team.
Look at challenges as opportunities to support each other emotionally and practically. Don’t withdraw or assign blame because troubles feel overwhelming. loss of intimacy or camaraderie.
Collaborate on solutions together. Reframe obstacles as a partnership rather than an individual burden. Share confidences and be a sympathetic ear. Hunker down and weather storms arm in arm.
9. Family Comes First
Our grandparents’ generation lived with extended family close by. Strengthening family ties beyond the marital ones expanded support systems during difficult times. Even as families disperse more geographically today, putting relatives first remains sage advice.
Make nurturing family relationships on both sides a priority. Help aging parents and support siblings in times with crisis. Foster grandparent-grandchildren bonds that outlast the decades.
Showing up for kinfolk through thin and thick conveys commitment beyond marital vows. And relatives can lend strength when you encounter rocky patches.
10. Laughter Heals and Love Endures
Above all, our elders remind us that maintaining perspective prevents taking life or marriage too seriously. Shared laughter heals wounds big and small. Loving each other through ups, downs and in-betweens enables couples to weather decades together.
Humor and joy nourished our grandparents’ marriages through wars, tragedy and loss. They chose to celebrate silver linings and small daily graces whenever possible. The ability to laugh during tiffs diffused the tension.
These couples genuinely liked each other as friends, not just spouses. Prioritizing fun and forgiveness sustained connections despite grey hair and wrinkles.
Key Takeaway: Marital advice from elders holds true by focusing on communication, compromise and celebrating the times worth living for. Their wisdom shows that all relationships take hard work but that few other investments reap dividends quite as joyfully bountiful.